I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
