I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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