i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
