when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
