i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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