Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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