It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
