Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
