i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
