my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i believe in u and ur pee
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
