I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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