did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
