i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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