I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
