Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
