I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
