Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
