I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
