how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Drunk walkin through police station. America
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
