just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
