Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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