If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
