I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
