i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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