So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
