I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
