The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
