haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
