Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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