Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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