in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
