just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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