I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
