dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
