Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
