You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
