you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize