I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
