4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize