After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
