he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
BRING THE BAGELS
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
