I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
