i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
