Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
