When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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