Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
handjob tips. give me some.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
