one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
