What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
