i permit you to call me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
