I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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