Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
