I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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