we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
