Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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