if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
