i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
