She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
