Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
