I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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