No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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