I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
