The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
