I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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