I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
