in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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