I am puke
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
