Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
