am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
