Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
