the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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