Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
