I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
