Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
