Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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